Eh HELLO!!!!
I like girl... let it be singular or plural!
But Nick Lim The Geek! Sing with me in the bathroom?
I rather date LLL!

Nick! I gonna kick your place-that-Sun-doesn't-shine!

Friday, Friedday!

I am summoned scheduled to meet with the GCEO soon, then lots of emails were flying around. From the GM and amongst the colleagues... Telling the selected ones to behave themselves and etc.
Oh. It's confirmed not THE good news as I wish (or as I dream), but merely another tea session with the GCEO, for him to know the staffs better.

So in lieu with that, there are forms to be filled up.
Something like exam tips for the GCEO to prepare himself for our questions, okie, filled in mine and finally, the last question in the questionnaire...
"If there is a word to describe yourself, what would that be?"

Taken a back, sank back into my seat and paused for sometimes. What should I be writing here?
"Hey, Nyonya, if there a word describing me, what say you?"
She seemed surprised and I told her about the questionnaire.
"Hey, great, it's a bonus!"
"What bonus?" She explained and I couldn't understand her lingo.
"This would be question usually people ask when they are down."
"Is it? So?"
"Send out SMS to ask your friends and see what they reply."
"Doesn't it gonna sound like suicidal note?"

And finally, some of my contacts got my SMS.
And... Some of them really... Well enjoy the snaps...

Thomas is my ex-roomie and ... His respond ... *Shake head*
Zul is my colleague and somehow, I shed a few tears laughing my head out. DUH...
It's good sometimes to ask opinion from people you dislike... and you might get some surprise... Helpful.


Someone just forget that I am no longer attached with THE ISP anymore...


Clement thinks I am eccentric, I am fine with that.
If you're wondering what on earth a jiko means, well, that's the last thing you wish you can achieve while you're alive. It's another realm of life, when you receive enough enlightenment from above and basically you're just one step away from the center of the universe!
Ok, I lied. Jiko simply refers to male pig. Hey, have you guys seen the scrotum of a REAL male pig? So watch out, I got huge balls!
Michelle, the cow girl if you guys remember her.

Talking about  BALLS... well, I was kinda surprise when some of them commenting on my ... well... desire.


Am I so ... skewed minded? Hey, it's normal right for a guy like me?

When people said I am an apek, old folk in Malaysia lingo, do they really mean that I am old?



Someone even said I always full of ideas... Wondering are those good ones? Bad ones? Or...

Of all the SMS I got, I like the one from Nik the most.
Nik was my ex colleague last time and we beaten up each other nicely.
But hey, through these, we became friends!

Cayalah Nik! Must treat him a nice meal for that!
Even my ex-manager also gave not-serious comment like "Horny Young Man!" but really dude, I feel your sincerity!

And did I said, the SMS sounded a little bit like suicidal note?
Darling Jackie gave me a call all the way from Redang, "Dear, are you alright?", she called me after her dive!
*Imagining Jackie Darling in her tight diving suit, the sweat and sea water dripping off her short hair, flowing down her fair (soon to be tanned anyway) skin... NOSE BLEEDING cannot go on else... it would be very graphical*
Jackie is such a sweet girl. And she said I am such an adorable guy! Yahoo!


Some really loveeeeee to gossip. Pardon my classmate.

And the best of all...

MOM~! Where's my passport? MOOOOOOM! I need to zhaolou! AirAsia HELP!!!!
Who wanna know this girl? Come come come.

Indeed, it's such a funny way to start your Monday, especially with all these nonsense comments on you. Maybe a spade calling another spade a spade.
Maybe because I am such a guy with so much nonsense so they gave me nonsense comments?

So, last last, I penned it down in that column - Wacky!

Prologue:-
I just hope that the girls are not that smart enough to google up my name and landed here.
Sometimes, I wonder, why the girls (especially the chun chun ones) will think of me when they're in deepest shit of all. Is it because of my name? My appearance or whatever, or simply boiled down to a simple word - fate?
I had many experiences saving female(s) out of the misery and yet, I am not the someone with shinning armor riding on a white horse!

22 May 2008
I was on leaves since 21 May to prepare for my mid term. My last subject and I don't want to screw it up with my tak-apa attitude. Shorter note, I am damn serious.

22 May 2008 - 7.45pm
The class paused to give way to our dinner break.
Walked to FOM building from FOE building to pick up my paid-for-dinner pack and was looking around for empty seat to feast on my dinner.
A malay girl waved at me, whom I don't even know her, she signalled that I should join her.
I am not being perasan syiok sendiri here, but the signal was crystal clear okie?
Placed my butt on the chair and kicked off the conversation by asking, "Are you working with this car manufacturer?" I saw her lanyard.
"How you know that?" and only then, after few minutes, she noticed how I gathered the information.
So, we broke the ice and quite standard conversation on how I appreciate her company's approaches on selling cars and etc.
She is very young (damn, I am old!), bubbling, long straight hair, petite, small frame with the right fatty tissues at the right place. (I shall stop elaborating on this, else, it gonna become VERY graphical)
And then before I left the table, I just passed her my business card.

22 May 2008 - 8.15pm
My mid term exam started.
I wrote down whatever facts I know about the questions.
I drawn down whatever diagrams needed.
I fried as much as I could.

22 May 2008 - 9.32pm
My silent mode celly screen shown an incoming call from an unregistered number.
"Who the hell is this? Trying to bug me in the middle of the exam?" followed with curses which I censored out.
At this moment, literally, my brain was drained out with limited outputs, hence, I made my way to the lecturer's desk and submitted my answer sheets. Packed my stuffs and adjourned out from the class.

22 May 2008 - 9.44pm
That number called in again.
"I don't know how to address you, but I am Putri, the girl talked with you just now."
"Uh huh, what happen?" I noticed her voice, a little bit frighten, mixed up with a little bit of desperation.
"I got flatten tyre!" and she told me about her where-about.
"I think I know where you're." sometimes, some people joked that I got GPS system installed in my brain.
"You come and help me yah, okie?"
After made sure this lady parked her car by the roadside, locked her doors and turned on the hazzard lights, I made my way to the car park and dashed out from the campus.
While driving, I was thinking, damn, I didn't ask her plate number!
Whatever.

22 May 2008 - 10.00pm
Got another call, while driving to the spot.
"Hey Tang, Shita from LieTech, you're going to assist Putri right?"
Huh? How on earth this nothing-to-do-with-me girl know about this? She is just merely some business partner for my company, whom I met few times (less than five) for some no-big-deal-event.
"Huh?"
"I know her, she said she knows you, I am right now at ..." giving her excuses for not being able to help Putri out and passed the burden to me.
"Oh. I saw her car already." while slowing down the car and parked infront of her car.

22 May 2008 - 10.02pm
An SMS came in. Telling me she missed the pool table.
Walked nearer to the car and noticed, damn, the plate is registered in Kelantan, and it's a beautiful numbers.
Another "Damn!" came to my mind when I saw her tyres! They're on sport rims!
But, with her car, if not without sport rims, it would be a hell of ugly luxury car.
A little bit of conversation took place, just to make sure she is not in her panic mode.
Pulled out the spare tyre and tool box and started to roll my sleeves on it.
"You're from Kelantan?"
"No, but my mom is."
"Oh, my god mom is from Kelantan, same goes with my ex-girlfriend." proudly I told her.
"Melayu ah?" she shown me the bewildered look.
"No! A chinese lah." why whenever people hear that my ex from Kelantan, they would think that she would be a malay? Somehow , I didn't spilled ALL the beans.
"Is it? My boyfriend is a pure Kelantanese! From KB."
"Oh really?" while jacking up the car and untighten the nuts, we stroke a few conversation lines. "But, for me, personally, I think Kelantaneses are quite cool, I know this girl, who I go out with, from Kelantan also..." then I told her about my experience with the Kelantanese and the myth about SKMK.
"Hey, I know why you like Kelantanese, you like budu ya?"
"Yeah, hell ya! Hahaha...."
"Your tyre seems alright," I made two-rounds of checking on the tyre surface and found no nails or puncture.
"Wait, look at the cap! Someone placed little rocks into your cap! And the air leaked out slowly."
After some pulling, tightening, while I was tightening the nuts, her boyfriends arrived to the rescue with two more sidekicks. Wow, another super beautiful plate numbers from Kelantan!
Made my report to that dude, passed the baton to him and his trusty sidekicks and I made my way to my car.
Made my call to the girl whom missed the pool table and dashed back home.

Conclusion:
I don't know what kind of luck I am in, but, thank God I can become a blessing (emergency rescuer more like it anyhow) to others.
And suddenly, someone's acclaimation came across my mind, "How come you know all the hospitals where about one?"

22 May 2008 - 11.42pm
I presumed Putri the Princess reached home safely when I got a thank you note from her.
"Why people wanna saboj me?"
"Maybe you never fetch someone out to lunch with your car?"

For the past two days, I was, well, as usual busy.
Busy helping a friend, for convenience sake, lets us call him Chinapek*, paint his new-secondhand apartment. In other words, I was being transformed into a free house-painting labour during the weekend along with other kind-hearted victims. Chinapek's unit would be located on the 8th floor in an apartment/condominium. The painting work started on Saturday 4 evening after he obtained all the paints, brushes and etc.

Soon, kids next door, immediate next door, turned up in front of the grill from outside and started to make friend with Chinapek. Along with these kids, would be an old granny, the mother for these 4 hyperactive toddlers along with an indian guy (who we all presumed, the husband for the lady). I was stunted to see that these kids actually look very chinese without any sign of indian features.These kids cried and made loud noise which made Chinapek frowned a little, "Die loh me, if they keep on crying like that, I gonna crack!"

Basically our first day finished off without any major events.

The next day, Chinapek managed to recruit more "bangla" (quoted from him) a total of 4 including myself and the brushes he got at that moment already being used. More people than brushes - due to stinginess of a typical Chinapek.
So I just took a scrapper and went out to scrap/skin his old rusty grill door.
I scrapped and I scrapped and I scrapped.

Coincidentally, Chinapek's next door neighbours are at home, the kids were making noise, it's not rocket science. Suddenly, the door swung open, and the mother came out, dressed in a black tight pants matched white lacey shirt, those shirt having full lace - and viola! the bra was totally visible! I confessed I ogled almost all the time she came out. This lady, I didn't know what the heck she was up to, but she was keeping going in and coming out all the while I was scrapping the grill.
"Why she dressed up like this on Sunday evening?" I asked myself, I couldn't imagine any girls that I know would dress up like this, especially on Sunday and some more at home. But somehow I admired her husband.
She kept on coming out and going in, changing different positions in front of me, just imaging a guy like me standing outside, scrapping the grill and a lady (well, still hot for her age) changing positions right beside him.

While my was thinking about the lady scrapping the grill, suddenly!
"Young man, what you're doing?" OMG, the granny suddenly pop-out from my back.
"Oh, **Ah Poh, I am helping my friend to scrap this grill, he wanna repaint the whole house," can't she sees that huh?
And the conversation propelled to lots of topics; how long she stays there, which clan she belongs to, how much Chinapek bought this unit, yahda, yahda yahda (long enough to bake a cake and it reminds me of what my then-girlfriend always said about me, that I can easily associate with elders)
"So, where you work young man?"
"I sell telephone. My friend, the house owner sell computers."
"Oh good, our friend," while inside pointing to her unit,"he also sell computers."
"That's not your son-in-law, Ah Poh? And she is not your daughter?"
"No, no, no... She is my daughter-in-law, and he is our friend." Things are a little bit fishy, now.
And finally, she asked, "Young man, where are you from?", "Penang, where are you from then Ah Poh?", she mentioned a small town name and immediately I shouted to Chinapek, "Come out Chinapek come out, Ah Poh is from the same hometown as you!"

"Is it?" literally, Chinapek jumped out holding the brush in his hand.
Asking more details on which house Ah Poh is staying, you know, when a town is micro-ly small, everyone knows everyone!
"My grandfather is Senior ABC," Chinapek acclaimed and immediately, Ah Poh shown her thumbs up, wow, Chinapek's grandfather really is somebody!
"Orh! Your family owns a factory huh?" the lady jumped out and chipped in.
"Yeah!"
"No wonder, your car looks familiar! My husband is *someone more famous*!"
And the rest of the conversation took place, with my head almost dropping off laughing non-stop, amazed at how small this world is.

Suddenly, I sensed something not that right. But these people are happily updating each others on the on-going inside their town so I didn't interrupt.
Occasionally, I raised my voice, "Hey Chinapek, should we stop painting, I think you should sell this unit off." Cause I am quite particular about nosey people, some more from the same hometown.
The conversation calmed down and all of these same-villagers moved back to their positions and soon enough Chinapek's neighbour started to pack and left the house.

Made sure the coast was clear, I told Chinapek, "Hey I sensed something not very right here, the famousman-in-you-town, he is very rich?"
"Yes, two wives."
"Okie, that one," pointing next door, "should be the second wife right?"
"Yeah, how you know?"
"Okie, the famousman-in-town is not an indian right?"
"No."
"So, whose the guy?"
"Nola, it won't be like what you're thinking, I know what you're thinking."
"Hey, how many rooms here?"
"Three."
"So, how they sleep at night? Kids one room, granny one room, and the lady one room. So the guy sleeps in the living room?"
The other "banglas" somehow enjoyed how I describe the situation, suddenly one Bangla jumped out, "Yeah, if she (the lady) wants to eat-out, she is very smart by bringing her mother-in-law and her kids, so that no one will suspect. Some more the mother-in-law can look after the kids when these two go out, smart ones."
"Maybe the lady sleeps with her mother-in-law? Then the guy got one room for himself loh," Another 'Bangla' nicknamed Chinamui*** chipped in and begged to differ.
"Will you sleep with your mother in law?" I asked.
"No, no, you see... the kids one room, the granny and lady one room and the guy has his own room."
"Will you sleep with your mother in law, chinamui?"
"No lah, it's not like that one lah, small town people where got do like this one?" Chinapek trying to defend.
"Hey, she is the second wife."
"Nolah, nolah. Impossible."
Silence reigned.
"Hey, you're good in connecting point and make it a sensational story huh? You should work for a tabloid, not selling telephone."
"You better call up your town folks, ask who is this Indian."

Can't wait to read the newspaper.

*Chinapek, ci-na-pek, being critically typical chinese who is utterly conservative, unadventurous and inherited all the good and bad values of the oriental chinese. E.g. cannot stand a meal without rice.
**Ah Poh, a polite way to call elderly lady with grandchildren.
***Chinamui, female version of Chinapek.

I am in another training held in KL Golden Triangle...
Location: Almost at the heart of KL.
Distance: Of course! The place is far far far away from my house. Within one hour driving.
Time: Damn. It's a 8 - 5 event and the date clashed with school holidays.
Others: They decided to shut down SMART tunnel for some testing, thinking most of the people will flood out from KL cause it's school holiday (which I also thought the same) but hell NO!

You add all these up and it sums to insanity.
I got to wake up early around 6a.m., hit the road before anyone else.
Queue up in the jam and wondering, "Why these people don't go for holiday?!", well, maybe they also got training like I do.

Those KLites would know the pain, the frustration and geram-ness stucking in the traffic these days...
Gosh, they shut down SMART and everything turns STUPID!!!

One fine morning, after the usual one hour drive, I reached the company car park.
While I was walking up the stairs, someone called me from below.
"Tang, your blog is blocked!" Mrs. Husin acclaimed.
"Sure or not? If not mistaken, I was ... Never mind, I check later."
... ...
And result? Haha!

Crap!
These guys first blocked almost all the Instant Messaging, then they creeping into denying access to sites ranging from p0rn sites up to Friendster, YouTube, and FaceBook and now, my blog!
So, like usual, I tried to outsmart them by performing these steps:-
1) Click on the URL.
2) Punch in "s" behind http.
3) Punch "Enter".
And, they all got to clean their desk and go back to university to take course on Data Communication. Bah!
I won't even classified those steps as "hacking" not even "skill", it's just merely a common sense!


STUPID
Nothing better to do is it?

My 4th week here and I had trainings on weekly basis on various fields.
Came back from a two-day NLP (neuro-linguistic-programming) training and this morning...

A snapshot of my mailbox.... Cousin Jim found it's unbelievable to have roughly 20 mails coming into your corporate mailbox in a day.
20 mails for me is very NORMAL.
See, Jim, I told you... I know what kind of situation I am in. I said there will be 50 mails at least in my mailbox and viola...

Well will updates on my first few days in Multinational Sales, some other days.
About the training? Well, nothing beats AsiaWork...

Upcoming event:
1) Awana Kijal, Trengganu. 11 - 12 August 2007.

Jeanne Abdullah, 53. Picture grabbed from Bernama website.

Now. she would be the chick of the year.
No, I am not those who obsessed with aged women/ladies/females but she would be Malaysia's 5th Prime Minister's wife! And I wonder either she will have the title of the First Lady Of Malaysia.

Happy marriage life Pak Lah.
Huuray! Time for celebration.

Okie, got holiday for that?

Reference links:
The Star Online - here
Bernama - Malaysia National News Agency - here
If the news is on Bernama, then the chances of fake/prank news would be lower.

Somehow this would be the most recurring line in POC: At World's End.
Yesterday was madness with some many phone calls coming banging my ears; one to question me why so many questions, followed by a good brother of mine who asked me to become the backup movie-kaki, last minute, and best of all, phone call telling me that those flies decided to call off the tender, which is about time since the RFP was totally a messed up ones, and it's right on time, when I needed some break.

It's madness, when you're almost there and suddenly these flies called it off.
But a good thing still, since the entire tender is totally a madness.

Okie, Madness on POC shall be up soon. I promise.
But warnings before hand, don't expect Jack Sparrow to become Shakespeare or sing or dance in this heavy commercial third installation movie. It's a commercial movie okie?

Elizabeth Swann: This is madness!
Jack Sparrow: No, this is politic!

Since the tender is totally called off, I was very relieved indeed and immediately opted for the movie outing.
While wandering around One Utama, having my own time to think about few things in life, looking on the window displays, the canopies on the lower ground and making my way down to meet up with the guys.
And suddenly someone slapped my shoulder, I hope that doesn't hurt her, my skin is quite thick.
Turned my head around and saw her standing right infront of me, smiling in her white tops office attire. Sorry, I am a sucker for the color white.
"Hey, I was thinking about you just now, wanted to call you up."
I really mean that, I really wanna catch up with her on certain things.
"Really? So why you wanna call me?"
And while chatting we made our way up, just imagine, how stupid I was that moment. All the way to Lower Ground and now, making my way up again, as if I never take the escalator before in my life. And I ended up spending roughly 30 minutes with her in a boutique scanning through women attire, well I am fine with that, design is art what. Those moment can't last longer when she somehow forced me to "go-away".
"I don't want you to be late," while holding few clothes yet to be tried on, she asked me to leave. but I don't want to leave, told you, I got thick skin.
So, I left the scene to proceed to the next madness - the 3 hours long winding POC. Madness.
But, it's a madness right? When you're thinking about someone and suddenly she popped up out of the middle of no where. It's madness.

The madness continues today.
Remember those flies? They cancelled one madness project and came out with another super massive madness project. And guess what? I am involved again. Are we running out of mad people in this company? Cannot talk about it right now, trade secret okie?
And I was detained in another kick-off meeting with other colleagues and counter-parts, but, it's good when you have a laptop with internet access. You can pretend to be busy replying emails and chatting. But, one big-shoot pulled the chair next to me and sat down, it's madness! So, I got to let go and went down into in a whirlpool of madness, chaotic discussions as powerful as the Charybdis.

The madness propelled forward, when my private line rang; only close friends and relatives got the number. It's dad.
And it's about my cousin sister. "You always got to entertain cousins one huh? You got a lot of them huh?" she asked me, many times.
Apparently this young lady decided to go back to her hometown up in the north for holidays, along with her SIX other friends. Naively she thought getting a ticket or 7, would be an easy task during the madness period, school holidays around the corner, mind you. Madness.
And dad couldn't help much in this and decided to do what he does best, coordinate and making phone calls, which, I got nothing to comment.
Made my way from HQ and all the way to Pudu, the main bus terminal of Malaysia. Basically, this place turned out really like a mad house with so many people rushing for last minute tickets purchasing.
I went from one counter to another counter, like fly without head, it's madness!
As predicted, the tickets were sold off for tonight, a massive madness!
"Hey, are you sure you can reach on time? I foresee massive jam later."
"Oh, don't know. Let me call you back after I talk with ...." she literally mentioned 6 other names, who I couldn't care less.
"Never mind, I gonna make sure you and your friends gonna reach home, but let me decide how, and when you gonna leave okie? Don't ask too many questions."
"How you gonna pass the tickets to us then?" I thought I asked her NOT to ask further question?
"I will come Pudu again tonight, meet you up and pass the tickets to you, okie?"
"Can't you ask the counter girl to keep the tickets for me? Tell her my name lah."
"It's madness!" and I think I gave her some pieces of my mind and she decided to shut up. Good.

Well, out of these madness, equipped with my speaking skill (maybe my charms, too, who knows?), managed to grab 7 tickets on higher price after many failed attempts. Solved and settled my little cousin sister (not forgetting her friends) problem to get back to her sweet home during the mad season.

Reached office and had a quick madness McD.
Even before I can warm up my chair with my buttocks, another madness landed.
"Tang, our No.1 Customer (I mean it) asked us to propose High Availability architecture, can you......."
"Hey, our very first proposal is HA, they threw it out the window, and now? They want it back?"
"Tang, our No.1 Customer lah... What to do? I also headache you know, got to do ..."
"This is madness!"
"No, this is politic, a lot of parties what."
"... ...."

It's madness! Leave me alone and no more madness okie?
Thank God it's Friday.

I had dinner with SW in One Utama last night, a hearty ones which out of my expectation, merely a dinner can last for 2 hours, talking and sharing.
I talk a lot during office hours but after that, normally I don't want to talk already, but I guess sometimes, with the right person, exception can happen right?

So, after the dinner, I made my detour into the *place* I usually get my pDVDs.
And while I was driving...
*Jeng jeng jeng*
Two silver colored vans slowly overtook me, with tinted windows and moving slowly on the roadside, I repeat again, roadside, that's why they can overtook me.
It's just like when you're swimming and suddenly two silverish sharks swim by you...
At that very moment, I got some Deja-vu, something bad gonna happen!
So, I tailed the vans through the road, hoping that my pDVDs paddlers will survive these jaws.

After few minutes the sharks, I mean the vans parked nearby a hawker center, and men wearing dark-colored uniforms stormed out from the vans and made their ways through the crowd. I parked and walked slowly towards the massive crowd, estimated around 200 heads from all ages, all walks of life gathered there. Much more crowded than any night market.

I could see, one of the pDVDs paddlers holding a walkie talkie, "Ooi, raid lah here, got local TV station some more, in white Sentra and lots of authority vehicles."

Estimated, one vehicle from local TV station with reporters can't be spotted.
Roughly around 10 vans with different logos on the sides, around 8 official cars, all with tinted classes. Those men and women in uniform, with a quick glance, it would be around 100, where as, there might be quite a number too in plain clothes, who knows right?

I don't have the balls to walk to the front line but remained at the back of the crowd, and people around me, started to talk, adding sensational information;
"They brought crowbars, axes and hammers up there, if the owner don't open the door, they will knock down the door," I saw those tools, afterwards.
"I thought they're raiding the roadside hawkers?"
"No, they're aiming at this brothel."
"Are you sure it's a brothel? I thought the brothels are located else where?"
"Oh! Those! Those are being covered by someone else, some bigshot!"
"Oh, is it?"
"There are prostitutes huh?"
"Yeah, lots of them, from all over the world," and the chinese uncle named a few countries, for me, this guy sounded quite professional.
I couldn't stand anymore, so I slitted in, asked that uncle, "Uncle, where's the trucks? Cause when we read the newspaper right, always can see the prostitutes taking the trucks one right?"
"Oh, the trucks will be coming soon, later, few more minutes."


Then, the reporters came down and straight away went to their cars and leave the scene.
"Aiks, how come so fast one? Where's the big video recorder?"
"They're still up there."
"Hey, when's the girls gonna come down?"
"Wait lah, coming soon, maybe they're still discussing."
"On what?"
"You know lah."


Then I saw flashes, and 4 men walking down from the stairs and smiling at the crowd, as if some Bollywood stars making their debuts. At that moment I thought I better made some moves - I approached one of the men there.
"Brother, who are these guys huh? Customers huh?"
"Which one?"
"The one in red jersey?"
"Orh, he is the director of license issues," and he mentioned some bureau name.
"How about the one in long sleeves? He looks like some owner or boss of the place."
"Oh, that one huh? He is our big boss lah brother."
"Wow!"
"And those 2 fat guys are the local police heads."
"I see, so where's the girls? I thought there gonna be lorries picking them up?"
"No, we dispatch lorries when we're raiding some entertainment centers, disco when we need to carry away their AV devices... This one is plainly on license issue."
"So, no girls will come down huh?"
"Don't know, we don't know what happen up there."
"I saw people bringing axes, hammers and crowbars, why ah?"
"Oh, to knock down its illegally built partition loh."
"Oh..."

Then, the 4 generals leave the scene... Hey, where's the girls?
Where's the lorries?
Sensing no more excitements, the crowd started to dismiss.
Cheh, thought can see girls.

This kind of raid needs some kind of warrant?
Reporter Lichard signing off.

P/s: I don't think the news media published this news yet.

For once, for the record, I wanted so much to leave the company and hide in somewhere where no one knows me, with no internet connection, with no cellphone coverage and don't even have the slow-mo snailmails!
For once.

How weird it is, people with big-mouth doesn't have any brain with them.
How weird it is, people with no knowledge at all, after the universities granted them with a first class honor degrees.
How weird it is...

How come these idiots graduate, come out to society and work for a RM10 listed compay anyway? I thought they're the best!
How come!!!?

I guess Project Super Star would be the buzz word, the talk of the mouth for most chinese-speaking couch potatoes, well, if so happen those english speaking ones happen to notice this program too, I got nothing to say about you. *Shrug*

I rarely follow the show but my parents, they're avid supporters for this program.
Yeah, sometimes I diverted my vision away from my 17" flat-screen LCD monitor when my parents were following the show.
And I guess two weeks back the result for the finalists were quite shocking.
You know very well who got the look and who got the skill, most of us do know the fact defeating the screaming under-age audiences.

Well, that's enough. I am not going to write on this anymore.
But just to share a few photos that will make few girls excited.
I present to you, St*ven Ort*on a.k.a (the self-proclaimed) Female Being Killer, and I can't even remember his real name.

Caught these photos, should get a video instead I know, but I was so shocked to see him live on teewee, okie?

Do you know him? I hope you don't. Actually I am hoping the same too, in vain.

No choice, I got to upload bigger photos here. Picture showing one of the judges telling this fellow that he/she appreciated his spirit, but I think the judge actually is talking about the size of his balls.

And, in return, he polished back that judge's balls.

I don't get any nightmares afterwards, I think he got to sing 3 songs (hell, that's a lot!) but I think the studio censored all of them and let the Malaysians see the man who redefined the meaning of shameless.

Lastly, he ...
Okie, forget about it.
Anah, Sharni, Innsann, you girls owe me one.
I know you girls love him so much.

http://www.myheritage.com

In our life, we can't control what people wanna say with their bloody mouths, but is that absolutely true?
In our life, we can't escape being put on top of the chopping board, being the subject of mouths during their mamak session... but at least we tried to avoid right?
In our life, are we open for these up most meaningless and no-value-at-all attacks and wailing alone?

I tried not to step on anyone while working here, I don't want to waste my energy inside the company playing political games, instead, I think the energy should be outwards instead of inwards. At least, I am doing something that will bear halal (Islamic term for lawful) fruits.
But, sometimes, train also can derailed.
I was being blacked mouth!

Jan 14, 2007
My manager approached me, and mentioned that my AGM told him that she received complaints regarding my respond time to customer from another lady manager who I also don't have a single idea on her contributions on company growth.
"Tang, Kak Lin approached Ms. AGM and said ... so and so."
"What? Where's that woman?" I don't mean to be rude to ALL the women in this case, only applied to Kak Lin - the cilaka lady.
"She left already."
"Then what's Ms. AGM's respond?" of course I was very concern about her respond, either I will be called to menghadap her.
"She said she doesn't know anything, but she said you're good. Not as what Kak Lin said about you."
I was cursing this bloody woman, I think for millions of times at that moment.
I was so helpless and what I could do, was to pray (I am serious).

Jan 15, 2007
Was called to our Sales Office for some works along with my manager.
After finished the cores, I decided to pay Kak Lin a 'friendly' visit. I mentioned this to my manager.
"Just do it the professional way."
To be professional with such amateur?
All the way from 3rd floor to 11th floor, I was praying, if it's allowed, let her be in her cubicle, then I shall say it out loud to her.

Upon entering the office floor, I already spotted her! And here's how the incident goes.
"Hey, Kak Lin, your father knows what you're doing?" I seriously don't know why I said this.
She was obviously shocked to see me there.
I pulled a chair and sat next to her but seriously, her outfit really made me wanna puke.
Outwards, she is so descent and alim but somehow, the things she had done on me, behind me is really such a disgrace.
"So, Kak Lin, tell me. Tell me what you told Ms. AGM," straight to the point, don't waste my time.
"Oh, but before this, why you're here? I heard you gonna get a promotion?" rumours, and without black and white documentation, my advise? Don't believe it.
"None of your business. Back to my question, just be frank with me. I don't want to waste time on rumours."
Her facial expression changed. Became paler and paler.
She was thinking how to answer me, while playing with her keyboard and cellphone. Cilaka.
"Tell me, tell me how this thing started."
She tried to divert the topic again by telling those grandma-grandpa-stories, a bad habit from our Matha-company.
"I don't want to know all the history. Just tell me what you told Ms. AGM, I want to hear it from your own mouth."
Again, she kept on playing with her keyboard and cellphone. A manager did that in front of a lower rank executive. Damn!
This conversation carried on until she blurted out that she DID made a mistake in relaying message, with additional non-relevant inputs in it. Slandering, I called it.
"I appreciate your time, Kak Lin. One thing to remind you, I am open for critics and comments, just tell me your opinions next time, I think you don't have to do the thing you had done, right? Further more, it's my customer anyway, not yours (sometimes you just to got to be very detailed), so thank you for your time."
I was still very pissed off then moment I left her cubicle.

Went down, and my manager was waiting me to come back with his long neck.
"So how? What she said?" he was eager to know the first-hand experience.
Then, I just share the entire process with him.
"Tang, I got one thing to say, you got the courage! You were being back-stabbed and you still dare to shout it out loud, some more confront her. You damn good lah."
But I was still pissed, so I wrote the email below and BBC-ed it to my manager.

Kak Lin, Personal Notes: I appreciated your time for the heart to heart conversation this afternoon. You're always my best OC during my MMU Orientation Days, apart from Singh and Tuan. I would like to have such conversation directly and openly with you, if in future to come, you receive anything forms of feedbacks, regarding my professionalism, my responds towards my customers and my team overall performance. Not hitting to other parties. As a part of [subsidiary name] or [matha-company name], [my department name], we're in the business as a whole. I am open enough for feedbacks, let it be negative or positive comments. Work Notes: Kindly specify WHAT I should do on this since referring to your email attached below, Duan is taking care of this already. Write up will be taken care by Duan. Duan has the capabilities to come out with the commercial part also based on his past experience. I think [my manager] and myself would like to know HOW we can contribute to this lead of [solution name]. Buah cempedak di luar pagar Pergi pasar beli galak jolokkan Lichard bukan nak sikap kurang ajar Silap kata harap dimaafkan Regards and all the best wishes, Tang Lichard Assistant Manager, [my department name] -----Original Message----- From: Kak Lin [mailto:badmouthlady@companyname.com.my] Sent: Friday, January 12, 2007 2:50 PM To: Tang Lichard (E-mail) Cc: [my manager] (E-mail) Subject: FW: [solution name] Lichard, The solutions to [customer name]: 1. [product name] 2. [product name] 3. [product name] Kak Lin Manager, [a department name]

I called this email - Double Barrels; one email hitting two things about her, indirectly.
Some more got a malay pantun leh! Pantun is a kind of folks poem.
And I guess the message of "Don't mess with Lichard" is successfully sent across.

Yeap, other than some PnC and of course her real name, the rest remained exactly the same.
We're not in some 20 cent group of companies, and her initial email really shown how wonderful she is.
Yeap, she is a manager working in the same company as me. Ironic, she is now sitting right opposite me, she is here when I am typing this. But, hey I slashed a manager!
Yeap, she was my OC - orientation committee, last time in MMU.
Education failed.

In life, sometimes, we got to take control and look our enemy into the raw eyes.
The best defense is the best offense - Andrew Chance, 2003 (my very first boss)

Another me-me post syndicated from Wowdee, something from VisualDNA. Thanks girl.
Kinda cool with the photos and short descriptions, though quite hard to really "play" with it.
Enjoy fellas. Back to work.

****************************************************************************************************************


Click the links for more details lah! Do I have to teach you this?

Flying (back) to Kedah later.
Objectives: To provide free education to the potential client on the latest technology (as if they can not dig these out from the Internet), assist regional Sales to service (and to entertain) the customer, and tell the customer (internal and external) of the benefits of making on time payment to my company.

These baskets never pay for their nasi lemak huh?
I know Police can have free pass on tolls but this particular client is not even near to that.

That day really a shitty day for me, until Mrs. Husin, the bubbling colleague sits beside me dare not to poke me. "Tang, you looked stressed up."
Indeed I was. A hard time to obtain greenlights for a simple business trip made me quite frustrated. So many people sitting on their works.
Well all these don't have a thing to do with my birthday.
****************************************************************************************************************
While walking towards the car from the office, I made a call back home to Dad's cell, hoping Mom will pick it up. (It's some pychology thing, based on my study and observation) I ended the conversation between Mom and I because I was held in meetings, early in the morning when she called and greeted me. I hate meetings.

Dad picked up the phone and ...
"Dad, I wanna tell this to you and Mom, thank you...", and before I can end my speech, Dad started his lines.
"Well, it's okie. I think wanna sell off mine too. You got it off at the price of RM11, and your cost is RM9...", he carried on with his accountings; taxation, interest rate, and many more. It's about my shares.
"Dad, please keep the first figure and leave me with the rest.", meaning they will be getting the bigger cut.
And we had a small chat.
Before the conversation ended, I made an attempt again, "Dad, I wanted to say this to you and Mom, thank you for giving birth to me and raise me up till what I become today." I can't carried on till this extend, something was choking my throat and some fluids rushed to my nostrills.
Dad indeed sounded shocked and don't know how to respond, "Ah, good, you're welcome son."

Birthday, is something I don't anticipate much all over the years of growing up.
Celebration means nothing when you look back and try to experience or at least imagine, how much pain you had costed your mother and how you behave towards your Mom.
Celebration means nothing when you don't achieve much in life; failure to solve your own problem for many years and evolve into some sort of energy vampire, to the people around you.
Celebration means nothing when you're pretending to forget you're actually growing older (and not wiser) and your body performance in going downhill (and nearer to death).
Celebration, at least for me, it's a throwing a party to blindfold your mind on the real world and the matters that matter.

Anyway, gratitudes to my parents.
***********************************************************************************************************
Hit the road and headed for my favourite cinema.
Had a date with my Cousin, Jim. Not in a mood to go out with anyone else, not with girls to avoid further misunderstandings.

I am aware of a movie named, "Happy Birthday" starred by Louis Koo and Rene Liu.
It's not about the show, but the title itself. Imagine a movie ticket printed with such title on your own birthday, it means something for me.
So while waiting for Jim to reach for the show - Babel, my first show of 2007 (and that's a good ones I tell you) - I went over to GSC ticket counter and asked for the ticket.
"Hello, it's my birthday today and I wanted to get a ticket for 'Happy Birthday', can?"
Deep down I know it's impossible, cause the time already exceeded that movie showing time. A smart application will not reflect outdate information on the screen.
"Can, please wait.", the ticketman really looks ammateur, and behaves like one too.
"Sorry sir, it's already passed the show time....bla bla bla."
"Can you ask someone who has the access to the system to perform that for me?", I know I was asking too much, but at least I tried.
I got to give up on this trainee.

Then I ventured to another cinema nearby within the same complex. Another failed attempt.
With Jim by my side, though he can't help much. But he is the witness, seeing his eccentric cousin doing something quite out of this world on his birthday.

I approached again, another GSC ticketing staff, a blur-to-the-max dude. He seems like can't understand what's my requirements are. Without wasting time, I targetted another Indian lady and told her the same requirements again. She understanded, "You're a special customer. But I can't do that, how about purchasing the ticket for tomorrow?"
Ah!!!!!
They don't get the point. She talked with her boss in Tamil and I threw in my Tamil communication skill (I can't speak Tamil but I can do their signature head-turning thingy, trust me.)

Almost giving up, I told Jim and just about to seek his help to dig up the rubbish cans in the cinema looking for the ticket. (Imagine myself doing that, shake head and imagine his facial expression when I mentioned this)
But something flashed through my mind and I approached the entrance counter, the ticket check point.
I told the guy the same thing and he still failed to understand the requirements.
"Sir, you had watched the show?" (almost wanna pengsan)
"No, no, no, no.....I just wanna keep one of those.", pointing my finger on the tickets laying on the counter.

And.......

Never give up trying!
But try them in a smarter way.
***********************************************************************************************************
Thank you for those remember my birthday, imagine those birthday who were forgetten.
Thank you for those SMS-es, those emails, those friendster testimonials (it's not a testimonial technically speaking) and someone promised me Jeniffer Aniston in DHL. Dua Hari Lambat already wei!

Prologue:

As we move on in life in this New Year, I guesss the common greeting would be, Happy New Year, and usually the conversation will go on with the question, “How is your New Year Eve?”

So, mine was indescribable – I spent those moments sleeping on my living room sofa. I was too tired to even speak, let it be to celebrate, sing, shout or partying to welcome 2007.

When you journey down the road of life, sometimes you will meet someone who you wanna get hold of and never let go; these people some will either become your friend, or some will become your life partner who will spent the rest of your life together.

To cut the thing short (cause this gonna be a lengthy ones), YY See whom I met back when I was in university decided to end his bachelorhood, tying the knot with SC, an Engineering graduate who I am not uninformed of. Well, I guess we spent enough time together to be called as buddies. Indeed those years, those solid 4 years in MMU really carried lots of meanings. Each new year would mean new experience. Literally, I was invited (booked and he was quite persistent in reminding me about this over the mails and chat sessions) to his wedding held in Johor Bahru, the southern region of Malaysia.

“Is it a typical Chinese wedding?” I asked.

“What’s a typical Chinese wedding?” he never answers my question.

“So what are your theme colors?” just in case I need to purchase a new shirt for that wedding.

“What’s a theme color?” he managed to make me puked blood.

“When are you coming? 30^th? Come earlier, there will be a buffet reception on 29^th night for close relatives,” he always extend this invitation discounting me ain’t any of his c-l-o-s-e relative.

“Okie, let me see my time first.” I just hope that there won’t be any last minute agenda from my company.

As I mentioned in this entry, their wedding would be held around the end of 2006. I was clearing my pending office chores, clearing my leaves, busy celebrating Christmas, busy receiving massive SMS blast from YY querying when I will be going down to his place. So after some rest, I headed down to Johor – my virgin voyage to that state, well, some of the places were massively flooded.

Packed and ready to go! Weee...

Chapter 1: 29^th December – Voyage Down South

Dad in particular was quite worried about the flood condition there, down south.

I was firm with my stand that I would make my journey that morning itself thought the rains were heavy days back.

Made my departure when the clock stroked 10 in the morning, alone.

Thanks to many people who initially said they wanna hitch a ride; Ooi Wai is still new in the company and quite shy to request for leave (but girls always ask for leave by using reasons like tummy-ache, head-ache and etc, which will work all the time, once a month), Xilas got to arrange for media and etc for Mr. Ong who wanna pay a visit to the flood-effected areas, and the weird couple (whom I haven’t meet before) decided to bail off last minute though my offer was still valid until the very last moment. The journey was a smooth one minus the potholes along the way, result of the heavy downpours which lasted for almost weeks.

I remembered YY advices.

“Don’t make too many stops along the way, okie?”

“Why? I cannot go toilet huh?” I asked.

“Don’t go, don’t go! Later got those bad people rob you, rape you and kill you, how?”

“Siao,” he just being … crazy, I guess.

“Later they take away your camera how?” now, this might be his real concern.

But I still made a few stops along the way, and I never experience anything.

It’s quite easy to locate his housing area if you’re observant enough, but looking for the exact house would be a task. After lost for a little while, managed to land on his house that is attached to his parents’.

Was welcomed open hand-ly and was fed with home-cooked foods around 2pm.

The See Residential - two lots of teres houses with many secret tunnels. I am serious about the secret tunnels.

Had a quick bath and guess what? Before I can rest (which I thought I can), there’re things waiting for me.

Chapter 2: 29^th December – Seriously I Don’t Know Why.

Quite shocked to see my name was printed on the job distribution list.

So, after a quick lunch and quick bath, I chatted a little with SC’s old man and immediately geared up to assist YY’s father with the projector (? 0_o Since when I become the projector man?)

Setup the laptop and projector.

Successful.

Managed to have the premier of the multimedia presentations, done by YY’s father, though it’s only PowerPoint (I know YY can come out with much better ones) but it simply shows how serious Uncle See is in this business.

Followed would be “site survey” on the restaurant where they gonna held the wedding dinner.

Drove on the notorious Pasir Gudang Highway and experience the traffic jams.

The trip was somehow, interesting, with Uncle See sharing his career change – from an academician to become an oil and gas engineer – which somehow changed The See’s Family.

The story doesn’t stop there when we reached the restaurant.

At the restaurant, his dad and I found out that their projector doesn’t have the interfacing cable (serial cable) which to be connected to the laptop. So a decision was made – to bring our own projector and laptop on the day itself. Well, stay tuned for the photos and you will know the result of making such decision.

So, Uncle See continued his story on our way back.

His story-telling session was interrupted few times with my cells ringing. Request to pick up guests and a call from MCA HQ sending apologize for absenting the wedding events (Hello, it’s not my wedding, its YY See Wedding, that fella should call the groom instead of me.)

When Uncle See and I reached their house, the catering was already in place.

I forget either I managed to bath or not but that “inner circle” feast was a hearty ones with many local delegacies; the notorious Muar otak-otak, some dessert and home-made finger foods. Not bad at all.

But before I can sink my teeth on these goodies, I got another mission – to arrange the tables and chairs for the guests who will be arriving anytime! (Faint)

After much ding-dong, yeah! Finally I can eat. Managed to meet up with some of SC’s friends – those engineering geeks guys.

Somehow, when it near to the end of the buffet, I mentioned to YY that I wanna make a move already. “I wanna go home already, I wanna go home already.” But heck, YY would be the first one to get ringed amongst my gang of friends.

During the buffet, I ran around and did what I suppose to do – snapping photos, and sometimes mingled with those guests. The buffet dragged till quite late.

The Inner Circle's activity - rubbing balls. From left: Ms. See, The Biao Geh, The Aunt and The God Mother.

They finally called it a day after the last guest left the compound.

At first I thought it would be the end of the day, after I cleaned myself up. Apparently, NO, YY dragged me into the room, shut the door and asked me, “How many red packets should I get ready huh for tomorrow?”

This fella really. So, we brought out a piece of paper and listed down all the persons whom we need to bribe tomorrow; the driver, the door opener, the gang of sisters and yahda yahda yahda… I even suggested to him to have a few spare empty ones, a few low-fat ones and etc… You better get prepared before it rains.

Chapter 3: The Night before the First Night

The first night here would be the very first night the newly wedded couple, ahem ahem loh!

It should be excited and these two should be anxious, and their tummies should be filled with a whole battalion of butterflies.

Well, somehow looking at the massiveness and haywire-ness of any particular weddings, I doubt the newly wedded would have the energy to complete the home run.

Eh, make love no need energy ah?

Chinese got lots of weird and obsolete beliefs and rituals when it comes to wedding, for example, YY’s aunty requested some guys to sleep along with YY in the bedroom, said was to keep him accompanied. But I heard from my late grandmom, this is meant to protect (or to divert the attention) the groom from a wandering vampire that will kidnap the groom and sucks him dry. So, those who slept in the same room with the groom actually are risking their life okie?

I won’t mind if the vampire is much prettier than my future wife.

Okie, serious, I lied about the vampire part. Hehe.

But I guess it was one of the ways to give clash course to the soon-to-be-husband on HOW to do it on the first night. Well, as time goes by, with lots of educational materials available in the pasar malam, do we still need all these?

While preparing the red packets, YY and I were waiting for the arrival of two more bestmen, JH & YL. They arrived quite early – around 2am (that’s YY time, my time said differently), had a short introduction session cum early breakfast session. Went into the room and started our brotherly pillow talk, yeah, guys do that also.

“YY, you got any regret? Any unfulfilled fantasy or desire before you end your bachelor life?”

We talked about almost everything; gadgets, football, works, family, money and of course – girls. Well, what shared in that room will be in that room – forever. :D

Quite shocked to know that the conversation lasted quite long, we talked until 5 o’clock in the morning sacrificing our sleeps and we’re supposed to wake up on 6 o’clock for something lah, I don’t know. Managed to catch a short nap and was waken by YY frantic remarks, “Wake up, we gonna be late! Wake up, wake up!” “Why those people never wake me up?”

Just imagine, how tired we’re that day, how blur and how floating we’re. Sigh.

Chapter 4: The Bride-Welcoming Session

Geared up and had some food for breakfast, prepared by the ladies in the house.

The father and son moment

Hit the road when the time arrived with convoy of cars heading to the resort where they hide the bride.

Expected up-coming event would be “Passing Through The Door” or “Open Door” sessions. Most of us, the Malaysians are aware of this weird and sometimes will become quite bizarre dragging session. It’s not totally oriental on which I suspected this weird culture was imported from Hong Kong via those movies and dramas. The bride maids get to play (or torture or whatever!) the groom and his team of brothers, and they’re eligible to claim for a big fat redpacket. Sometimes this session will turn out to be quite barbaric, uncivilized and brutal!

“How much should I put in the packet huh?” YY always wanna buy his way into the room.

“What if these girls go crazy and start to play those sexually-related games?”

YY always express his concerns over this session before this.

“What if they don’t want to let me go in? How?”

“We just go back home lah. Sleep.” I always answered like this. Hey, it’s true what!

The way to the resort was a smooth one without much traffic on the road on Saturday morning. And we arrived earlier than we thought (or is it SC still doing her make-up?).

Ding-dong a while waiting for the RIGHT time to arrive and snapped a few photos.

Da Man-To-Be and the gang of brothers.

YY with his sleepy eyes.

Oh did I mention that YY’s youngest sister looks great with her pink dress (blinking blinking one leh), though I am allergic to pink but heck she looks nice.

Like most Chinese does, we honked all the way to the resort and somehow this out loud antic alerted the pak guard nearby. While waiting for the girls to come down and welcome us, the guys kept pressing on the honks non-stop. The guard came by and shouted at us with his one-of-the-kind remarks, quite racist according to See Family’s Lawyer and Legal Advisor.

The pak guard with his gonna-fail-attempt to stop us from honking.

The best part would be we don’t even listen to him and pissed him off like that.

Try harder next time, pak guard.

And it reached the best and juice-st part (supposed to be), the Open Door Session.

Perhaps due to the late buffet (which I still suspect it’s Aunty See’s tactic to keep those girls up so late in their house), the girls don’t have much time to prepare proper props and tools for this.

I remember 3 questions so far. Forgive me, I don’t have enough sleep.

1^st question: Who are you looking for? (Little Red Ridding Hood ah? I thought this thing could be tough! Girls! This is the right time for you to ask rocket science question, e.g. how much fuel needed to launch a rocket to send a bimbo to Mars? Well something sounds like that lah)

See, I am not the only one who think the questions are way too standard.

2^nd question: What’s SC upper body measurement? (Fuuuu wah – and quoted from a female member of See Family – you think YY doesn’t know meh? Girls, next time ask about the shoe size, I bet most guys will die flat flat.)

After the second question, they finally had shown their materialistic side!

An empty red packet was given, without checking properly, the bride maids opened the door and the guys were somehow shocked. As simple as that?

Inside the room, which has another door linked to the room next door. We faced another challenge. Damn.

3^rd question: this would be quite tricky, it’s actually a game, that required YY to spot the right lipstick mark out of 5 marks made on a piece of paper.

YY failed to identify the right ones and was punished to perform 50 push-ups on the spot.

He happily distributed the 50s to his beloved gang of brothers, no sweat and we made the girls’ eyes went bewildered.

The thing we thought should be and would be difficult suddenly become so child-play.

The following task would be waiting next door, a girl (I forget her name) said, knock on the door and it shall appeared.

After a knock, calling SC name softly and politely, the door flung open and the mother-in-law stood in front of the door and welcomed YY. HUH?

Easy huh? Believe it or not?

YY happily dropped a kiss on SC - chopped.

Photo taking.

Mrs. and Ms. See.

After those not-that-fun photo taking session and some delay; some went to toilet for big ones and etc. We hit the road again heading back to the See’s Residential.

Chapter 5: The Ding Dong Continued

Back at his house, YY got to inform his ancestors about this newly enrolled family.

Without wasting another minute, we rolled towards the near by Buddhist Center to take part in a Buddhist-style wedding ceremony. This would be the time I met back with OW and Kwai. It had been quite a long time after I last met them, but I got to on hold my overwhelming feelings till the end of the lengthy ceremony.

The few moments that these two were standing.

Some people just can't stand it.

JR found his own comfort.

Uncle See and the Monk.

One of the offerings.

After the long wait, we’re served with vegetarian lunch held underneath the center and managed to spend some quality times with these two dear friends of mine, updating each others with the latest gossips and news.

For another time, Kwai reminded that he is getting married on 7th July 2007. He is the earliest, don't argue with him.

After the lunch, we headed back home and get ourselves ready to witness the tea-ceremony session. It’s a cool ritual in my humble opinion, not because of the red packets or goodies that you can get out from the ceremony but it’s actually a get-to-know, a kind of introduction session for the newly wedded to the other relatives and knows about the protocols of the family. It’s all about who’s who in the big family.
I got to snap photos for reasons I am still not sure.
There will be whole lot of them.

After the watering session, finally, it’s a break!
I managed to relax myself with YY and the new Mrs. See in their new room along with few close friends of both parties. Entertained the audiences with some silly stand-up comedies; the precious moment when I firstly met with OW’s boyfriend, the latest break-up and get-together news among our distant friends, well, I guess I managed to entertain myself and them too.

For another time, Kwai reminded that he is getting married on 7th July 2007. He is the earliest, don't argue with him.

Few things that I noticed after sticking to this event for more than 24 hours – I eat anything available on any available time slot (I got scramble here and there, remember) and if given the time and location, I must rest.
YY doing his best; sleeping though with 3 girls giggling and laughing around him.

Most of the time, I would be extremely blur until I think OW looks like Taiwanese Artist Raine Yang.

I caught a short nap after all the runnings and being whistled all over place.

Chapter 6: It Ends Tonight (?)

I love this song – It Ends Tonight by The All-American Rejects, especially when the piano is playing.

You think I really can sleep inside the toilet? For this case, I caught my nap right in YY’s living room with many people strolling in-and-out, back-and-forth (remember, his house got many secret tunnels and not to mention, doors). I was being wakened by a sweet scent, OW finished her bath. Awaken and immediately held arrested by the “coordinators” to become the transporter for the guests who don’t know the way to restaurant for the dinner.

Hey! I was only less than 24 hours there and I can became the guide okie! Don’t play play.

Ms. See even said I am qualified to become a Johor Jaya resident already. Hmmm…

The “coordinators” passed me the passengers list and got myself ready.

I think, at that moment itself, almost all of us already forgotten about the bride and the groom. Seems like, it wasn’t their wedding dinner at all.

But YY rushed down from his room, with his tidied up look and coat, shouting in Hokkien, “How about me? How about me? Who gonna send me there?” (Wa li? Wa li? Zhui Zai Wa Khi?) He must be starving by this moment; else he won’t wake up at all, based on my experience.

I was one of the last ones to make a move from the house, not considering the bride who by default Chinese ritual is always expected to arrive late. To make myself available to his dad at the restaurant, remember? I was the projector man, YY shown me the way (wrong and totally bad ones) to drive in Johor Bahru. And guess what? I arrived way earlier than the others.

So, we split and made ourselves busy.
YY busy with those loosen nodes and me setting up the laptop and projector.

Don’t ask, please, don’t ask. I don’t want to remember.
I witnessed a phenomenon called “natural high” on Uncle See.
I guess, he was (maybe is still) happy to see his only son to become a man (Yeah, Chinese don’t believe you’re a man unless you get yourself a wife or two. Dang. Else, you’ll always be a boy!!!), or Uncle See was happy to see his loved ones gathered to celebrate this, or many reasons.

The guests on 38 tables (or is it 40? Sorry I am bad with figures)

But one thing for sure, he is the happiest guy in the wedding, from the beginning till the end.

Like what happened before, I was being whistled all over the place.
“Lichard!”
“Lichard, my dad is looking for you.”
“Lichard, the projector…”
“Lichard, the laptop…”
“Lichard, the presentation…”
“Lichard, take photos!” (If I impose charges on those who call on my name, I will be definitely filthy rich after the wedding)


The newly-wed pouring the champagne (as claimed by YY, but it's a sparkling juice lah!). Errr... Did I taste the drink? Hmmm...

One touchy moment would be Ms. See bummed to me, held (or touched, sorry I forgot) my hands and told me, “Do you feel like going home?” which somehow I agreed, verbally and mentally. And from time to time, his sisters would try to locate me and give me some words of encouragement, “How about you hide under the table?” “How about you cry it out loud now?” “Do you feel like cracking down?” ……and of course “Have you eaten something?”

Chapter 7: The Goods and the Moron

The two chinese characters on the red cardboard means "classmates/schoolmates/universitymates". Wonderful bunch of people. Love them!

For another time, Kwai reminded that he is getting married on 7th July 2007. He is the earliest, don't argue with him.

With these wonderful (other than one cilaka fella) friends sitting in the same table, they reserved some foods for me, waiting me to drop by and swallow the food and buzz off again.

KS would be someone I know from university days, who currently working with multi-national company, famous for a sole reason – he argues for the sake of arguing. Below would be some of his provoking, aggressive, intimidating and to some extend vague statements. Debater? My ass.

Empty Chat 1

KS: What you think? Hardware important or architecture important?

Me: Hardware. *Usually, I purchase hardware and do the architecture myself, which I think architecture doesn’t need much knowledge, just simple logic*

KS: Architecture is more important.

Me: Why?

KS:……

KS: Then tell me, why hardware more important?

Me: Heard of embedded technology? And what the heck you’re selling hardware? Sell architecture lah!

Empty Chat 2

KS: Telekom Malaysia is nothing without Siemens. *whole table silent, obviously he was targeting me. I don’t get his standing point very clear. But my Marketing, Finance and Economy lessons tell me, customer is everything!*

Me: Siemens is nothing without Telekom Malaysia. *based on teachings of Dr. Ali and Prof Shetty, MMU MBA Centre*

KS: Who else gonna provides TM with such and such and such equipments. *I forget the equipments but I know Siemens is not the only one on earth can supply that.*

Me: Marco*i?

KS: Marc*ni? World number 1 that one. *if he doesn’t talk for a minute, he doesn’t argue for a minute, he will die ah?*

Those sitting the same table with us, I think they held their breath for sometimes while KS and my good self were having this intense discussion. Occasionally, OW asked us to go out and have these discussions outside.

Note: KS is the short name for his name, not intended to link or associate him to the infamous KS imported from Singapore – Kiasu – Fear to lose or lost.

To end this nonsense, I made a promise to KS, that one day, if given the chance, by God’s willing, when I got the empowerment, the trust, and the authority, I shall search for all the Siemens contracts within my company, I shall shred them all, I shall burn them all, I shall flush them all to the Hindi Ocean.

I hold vendetta, sometimes, especially towards tin kosong (empty vessel).

I had the chance to meet up with WI(Wern Ian) with her fiancé, had a good chat with Lewis about his experience being an engineer in third world country, and other than KS, that bad piece of dunno-what, basically, the fellowship with them was good and heart-warming instead of blood-boiling.

Chapter 8: Close Shop

Uncle See can’t have enough of the fun, but the event still need to be ended.

Wrapping things up, snapping some group photos… …

I dragged myself back along with Ms. See. (Ok, I guessed its fate right? Not by purpose or any pre-arrangement one right?)

Had a quick bath and joined in their small-scale-family-reunion while treating myself with some wine which I shamelessly took out from the newly-weds room. *Evil grin*

While walking down the memory lane with them; talking about their childhood and the events took place that day, my itchy hands wandered through the books underneath the coffee table in the living room.

“Wah, nice books! These must be for YY!” I found some educational books on human reproduction topic, and usually I will shout around.

The young Sees were quite surprised that I can find such books in their dwelling place.

“Wah, your parents not good lah, only for YY only huh? We must photocopy these books!” YY’s brother-in-law said.

And the whole living room suddenly got extra vibes up with the discovery of these books by yours truly. Luckily, Uncle and Aunty See were not made known of this earth-shaking discovery until the next day when WI’s fiancé decided to sell me off in front of everyone. Bonker!

So, what happen on the first night? I am talking about the newly-weds.

I bet there’s no action at all, looking at the battery level of these two.

So, how? *Evil grin*

Chapter 9: It’s Hard To Say Goodbye.

When the sun shined, a new day arrived; it would mean I got to leave.

Honestly, I felt the burden to leave, I mean, I spent so less time with my friends and of course YY, obviously, it gets totally contradicted with my feelings when I was doing all the tasks given (those moments, I only wanted to leave).

Somehow, some technical problem occurred; I couldn’t get all the 2Gbs of photos burned into CDs which led to my late departure from YY house. Well, YY is a slow-cooker, he doesn’t get into the topics very fast in comparison with me, just plug in and you can have whole lots of discussions. We didn’t manage to have some in-depth talk too. Sighs.

In a nutshell, my best wishes and my prayers go to YY and SC, not forgetting the totally rock host of mine – the Sees; Uncle See, Aunty See, Mrs. Ting and Ms. See and those who I don’t have the chance to know better.

And for those who can’t make it, who don’t get the invitation and etc and can’t get the feel of this big, fat Chinese wedding, you all are losers! Hahaha.

Last but not least, KS the Siemens Engineer!!!!! You KS!!!!!!
For the record, I didn't do anything to the photo.

I am having this camping since weeks ago and the camping will continue on until further notice.
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Camp

• Camper (n) - a term usually used in Counter Strike or any other first person shooting game, to describe a gamer who remain in the same location and take on opponent(s) using a sniper rifle. Avoiding close proximity battle.

• Camping (v) - a term usually describe a person or a vendor who visit and stay inside the customer's premise for a long period, in order to create the points of presence, build up rapport, or to do close surveillance.

______________________________________________________________________________

Almost everything is cool, until today.
Something really made me to make this emergency panic (somehow crazy) call to the sales manager.

"Dudette, is there any way that you can cut off the internet line for the entire KL?"
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"I bet you can not do that right? Never mind, how about TOS (termination of service) this customer? Let their HQ and branches down for one day!!! Tomorrow, let them mampus (die) all!"
"Ah? There will be few hundreds of them, how to do that?"
"Can't you tell them that the J box that they plan to use can't talk with our core? Those C box, M box, L box don't want to friend with the J box?"
"What will J respond then? They gonna kill you!!"
"Then never mind, blow off our building then! Let me die."
"Wei, stop there, what happen?"
"We had been doing the same ding dong ding dong almost two weeks and the ding dong still can not be up!"
"What?!!!!!" She started to get panic too, hehehe.
"Yeah, no signal, no ping, no ding, no dong, no nothing and no shit!!!!"
"What!!!!? I thought those ding dong fellows said can be up by tomorrow?" (See, see, I thought again.)
"Those ding dong are ding dong-ing now. They don't have the tools!!!!"
"They said tomorrow can be up!!!!" She started to get panic-er!
"Now, I am camping at their site, can't access email or whatever ding dong. So you must send email to tell the bosses. Else, you and I gonna be skinned, slaughtered and being add into the Rendang."
"Ok ok ok... Shit lah these fellas"
"Eh, really cannot take down the KL connectivity? "
"Lichard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Ok ok, back to camping."
"See you tomorrow, back me up okie?"
"If you don't see me, please understand, I already kill myself."

Conclusion: Camping for too long, at customer site will make you siao.
Boss, if you're reading this, don't laugh, when can I go back office?

.. please listen and understand.
Why I said so?
Some examples for easier understanding of this issue.

Example 1:
Me: This A company is using 8Mbps Leased Line.
Smart Guy 1: Bull shit.
Me: *speechless*
Smart Guy 1: You mean X company?
Me: No, A company.
Smart Guy 1: Sorry, I thought it's X company.

I was telling A company details and suddenly I got this bull shit straight from his mouth.
Wait lah, next time I bull shit you back.

Example 2:
Me: Understand this statement; I don't like clubbing.
Smart Guy 2: I thought you like clubbing, someone said you like.
Me: I thought I asked you to understand the statement?

What's the whole point? When you're talking about me, myself. I am the one know the best of myself. I said I don't like, I don't like lah. Why so excited wanna become a debater and debate what I should like? Weird people.

Example 3:
Me: I started working since Thursday.
Smart Guy 3: I thought all GLCs start today (monday)?

What these people trying to prove lah? That I don't know about my work? That I don't know about my company? That I don't know what the heck I like (or don't like)?
Man, the gurus.... wanna-be!!!

So, again, understand.
I really got no patience towards these smart people.
Worst, they're all over the place.
Next time, before you said anything like "I thought... yahda yahda yahda..."
Go google it, wiki it or ask around first, before "I thought, I thought" in front of me, I might bite you!
My advise: shut up, listen, understand, and move on!!!